I don't understand peoples decisions sometimes. Why would you go through the same motions and make the same decisions that have gotten you hurt in the past? Not just once but several times?

Even dogs learn to not cross the invisible line lest they get shocked again.

Why do I choose friends that have this problem? I respect you and your decision but do I have to get hurt because of it? When you come running to me for advice, comfort, love, and healing but then turn around and do it again.... that hurts. Its a cycle that keeps repeating. When you choose to make this bad decision (the same one you have made over and over again) you cut me out each and every time. But then come running back when you need someone to lean on. And I keep reaching out because I hate seeing you hurt. It does affect me but you don't think of that when you are being stupid.

It gives me a slim glimpse of how God must feel on a constant basis.  We do that to him so often. We run to him for comfort and healing then turn and commit the same blunder. We cut him out when we are doing wrong. We don't want him to know. But we turn back to him when it didn't work out the way we wanted it to.

I don't have all the answers or even most of them but I do not want to make the same mistake over and over again. I hope when I am in your shoes that I make the right decision and stay strong. But if I don't, I hope that you have the strength and guts to stand up to me and tell me I'm being dumb. If I don't listen, I hope you will stay by me like I have stayed by you.

Yes it hurts, but I don't want to trade our friendship and love for a little bit of pain relief. After all, someone else will just end up hurting me. Relationships are not without pain.

All I really ask is that you understand that it hurts me. Please don't be oblivious to my pain. I do not have the extent of patience and kindness that God has and it might take me a little time to get back to normal. But I will make it. I promise you, I won't throw our friendship out on a case of your stupidity.

I will trust that you will come back again. Just as God waits for us, I will wait for you. Well at least to the extent that my humanness will allow.

I apologize to those friends that I did give up on. I am sorry for my lack of patience and unconditional love. I'm sorry I wasn't stronger. I do still think of you and pray for you.

I am sorry God for making the same mistake over and over again and running away from you. I thank you for your patience and understanding. I am sorry that I have hurt you and given you grief. I want to make the right choice (even if its hard) and continually hunger after you and not lose focus. Please give me insight and strength. I want to run back to you.